Nurtured Heart Review, part 1 (continued)

4. toys 'r us - saving our big reactions for the right time. Your children look up to you and want your attention . Use that relationship to your advantage and that of your children.

Based on our normal reactions, it is easy for children to conclude that the best way to get more attention is by misbehaving or having problems. An occasional "thank you" or "good job" pale in comparison to the passion we often display when we're upset. As a result, children can feel invisible when they are doing the right thing and quickly learn that the best way to get your attention is to misbehave.

Try to correct that imbalance. Remember to be calm and dispassionate when correcting your children and save your enthusiastic, animated responses to reinforce their positive choices--doing so will greatly increase the liklihood that those choices will be repeated in the future.

Thoughts? Questions? Comments?

Nurtured Heart review, part 1 (continued)

3. the horse whisperer - hijacking children into success - failure is not an option. Children often view themselves in a negative light - taking for granted the things they do well and focusing on the ways in which they "fail". As a result, you'll often see frustration and hear comments like: "I can't do this." They need our help to change that focus. Hold the mirror up to them in a way that reflects their successes.

Remember too that success can be found both in what is happening and in what isn't happening. When your child is upset or frustrated, it takes effort and control on their part to avoid escalating their behavior. This too is an opportunity for recognition and in doing so you can help your child view him or herself in a different way. You will be more likely to see them exercise even more control in the future.

Questions? Comments? Observations?

Nurtured Heart review, part 1 (continued)

2. training shamu - Remember how whales don't naturally jump and thus the trainers start with the rope on the bottom of the pool so the whale has no choice but to succeed in going over it? The same is true with children. We must start where our children are to help them learn our expectations and achieve success. Only then can we slowly raise the bar of expectation.

Questions? Comments? Please share your experiences as "shamu's trainer".

Nurtured Heart review, part 1

In order to stand, a house must have a good foundation. Similarly, the Nurtured Heart Approach is most effective when built on a good foundation. Over the next few days, we will review the critical themes of the Nurtured Heart Approach.

1. the toll booth man - the art of perceiving the positive qualities in your child. All children, even the most challenging, are doing what is expected of them at least some of the time, and in most cases the overwhelming majority of the time. Please focus today on viewing your child through the eyes of the toll booth man.

Please post any stories about how you have made this work in your life or any questions/challenges with which you would like some support.